But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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