Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
