Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
