Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You're a waste of cheezeits
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
