Screwed.edu
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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