In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Two words: blizzard sex
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
