Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
