i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize