dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
