But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
