i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
