i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize