if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize