I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
There's even glitter on my cock...
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