im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize