Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
