drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
