I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
