Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
