My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
