Christians are straight up FREAKS
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
