She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
