I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
