she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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