And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
