i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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