he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
