if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
