I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
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