yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
These tits shall not be calmed
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