Umm I'm too high to move.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
