Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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