Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
