I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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