I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
