I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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