my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
