party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
