I wish my penis had an off switch
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
