I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
