you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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