loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
