I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
