i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize