So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
