Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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