she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The best revenge is premature balding
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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