If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I could make wine with my vomit
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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