Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
