2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
