Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
