Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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