Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
