I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Fuck appropriateness.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
