remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
