pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
