somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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