I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I have so many feelings about this burrito
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
