Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Bring me that man meat
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
