do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize