Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
