So drunk its hurt
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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