i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
