this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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