I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize