I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
