Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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