if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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