omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
