Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
