Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
