it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
